He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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