i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
