Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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