Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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