You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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