life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
