Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
