The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
