No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
