I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
