I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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