So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
