Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
