we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
