Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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