Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
