i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
