Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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