No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
