just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and she was petting her beer can
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
