you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize