Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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