I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
