My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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