The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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