Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
