Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
