Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
