i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
