brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
