The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
