it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
