I heard we made out
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
