I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
