Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize