I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
