Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
