man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Small penises have feelings too.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
