Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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