I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
