I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
