Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
