in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
