My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
