don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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