We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
