I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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