it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
