I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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