Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
