i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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