My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Someone signed my nipple.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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