If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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