Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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