So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
