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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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