Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
