is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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