well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
