hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
