we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
