He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
