Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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