If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize