i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
