If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The air taste purple.
Randomize
