I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My bed smells like the plague
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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